7 Steps to Manage Anxiety [and Eventually Overcome it]

Everybody gets faced with stressful situations that can make them feel anxious, but wouldn’t you love to become a person who knows how to be calm and solutions-focused even through potentially scary circumstances?

Anxiety is a response to a threat!

The problem is, that anxiety occurs whether that threat is real and imminent, or imagined.

In the right circumstances, anxiety is required and can keep you out of harm.

If an oncoming vehicle is about to mow you down, you need to get anxious in a hurry, and get out of the way!

If a herd of buffalo is stampeding towards you, a bit of anxiety might just serve you well!

The problem is that our anxiety response is one that gets alerted to all threats – perceived or real.

When anxiety is not managed, it affects every part of your life, including the way you eat, how you “show up” for your loved ones, and in fact, every single choice you make.

I have coached women, and some men, from all over the world, as a life-coach, as a wellness coach, a mind-management coach, and a transformational coach.

Through coaching, I have realized that anxiety is a very common problem and that many people feel powerless against it. I often hear things like “that downward spiral just sucks me in,” “I get such overwhelming anxiety, that is just who I am,” “I am a worrier, I cannot help it.”

Anxiety is all about fear and expectation, and it is helpful to remember that expectation lives in your mind alone. Expectation is based on assumptions.

Anxiety occurs whether that threat is real and imminent, or imagined.

Outlined below are some simple things that you can do to take control back from that anxiety.

STEP 1:

Acknowledge first that the anxiety that you are feeling has not arrived in your mind by some mysterious external force; the anxiety in your mind, has been put there by you, and, as such, decide to reframe the situation in a new way that makes you more solutions-focused and less overwhelmed by those anxious thoughts and responses that can feel like such a downward spiral.

Remind yourself that Anxiety occurs whether that threat is real and imminent, or imagined.

STEP 2:

Anxiety is 100% based in FEAR… Remind yourself of that wonderful Acronym

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

STEP 3:

Remember that anxiety and worry are feelings. And all feelings are temporary.

All feelings, change or stop. So, remind yourself that feelings are never permanent, they always change.

STEP 4:

Write down the following sentence (filling in the blanks)

I am feeling anxious about my _________________________________________________________

And when those feelings change, when I come out of this, I expect to feel

_________________________________________________________

See an example below

“I am feeling anxious about my presentation at work today or worried that my partner is pissed off with me and when those feelings change, when I come out of this, I expect to feel calm and confident or happy that my partner does love and understand me.”

Note that I did not say “I am anxious because of this BUT what I expect to feel when I come out of this is_____________________________________________________

Do not allow your mind that mental pause by using the word BUT. Always just continue the sentence by saying AND when that changes, what I expect to feel is_______________________________

Remember that for this 2nd part of the sentence, (how you expect to feel) you must write down the positive ways that you usually feel when you come out of that state of worry/anxiety. By doing this you have given yourself a “blueprint/template” of what to expect “on the other side.”

When you do this,think about what the first signs are that the anxiety/worry is going away. I am not talking about what steps you take to make it happen.

I am talking about the feelings you normally get as you start to come out of that anxiety. Imagine those signs, (perhaps your shoulders relax, or your breathing slows, or you just realize that the peace and calm is coming)

Remind yourself “These are the signs that the anxiety is melting away and I know that it always inevitably melts away”

These 4 steps help you to take the focus away from the problem and towards the solution.

STEP 5:

You can trick your anxiety using your body.

This is where you take control of the feedback loop between your thoughts, your feelings, and your body.

When you are feeling anxiety/worry – you can do some or all of these things with your body

• Talk softly and calmly

When someone is anxious or stressed, they usually speak louder or faster to speak in a soft calm even tone...

• Smile

Even if it feels fake... just smile

• Salivate ... one of the bodies normal stress responses is that the mouth dries up. So, imagine you are biting down on a sour lemon, (if you can’t do this then chew on some sugar-free gum to create saliva)

A common stress response is breathing that is shallow and fast so...

• Breathe slowly and deeply (always ensuring that your exhaling is longer and slower than your inhaling)

• Another very soothing trick is to Cross your arms in front of you and rub your upper arms gently up and down

This feels like a loving hug and is one of my favourites!

• Adjust your posture and stance. (Stand like a champion – shoulders pushed backwards and downwards, head held high and hands on your hips) Extensive research has shown that when you stand like this, like a super-hero, and you breathe long and slow; in that moment you cannot feel depressed or anxious or fearful.

All these physical actions are opposite to how the body normally responds to anxiety and worry.

These positive actions send a message to your mind to say “you see, if the threat was real, we wouldn’t be salivating, or breathing slowly and deeply. We wouldn’t be standing tall or smiling or talking softly,” and so on.

This gives the control back to YOU!

STEP 6:

Bearing in mind that anxiety is all about expectation, you need to “catch” that underlying assumption, stop it in its tracks, and replace it with a logical conclusion instead.

What do I mean by underlying assumptions?

Underlying assumptions are thoughts like

1. I am worrying that there is too much to accomplish and I cannot do it all.

2. I am overwhelmed, and I can’t cope

3. What is next? Not knowing is stressful

Examples of logical replacements

1. If I don’t accomplish all of my tasks/responsibilities, life continues, and I simply catch up as and when I can.

2. I am choosing to feel overwhelmed and I know that there are tasks I can delegate/I can use my time better/Am I really overwhelmed or just doubting myself?

3. What exists now that is good? Based on all that I have achieved and all that I am grateful for, surely, I can see that my life is abundant with blessings and… more often than not, it will always be abundant with blessings

STEP 7:

Anxiety exists in your mind alone!

Your minds job is to keep you safe and to do exactly what you tell it to do.

Your job is to tell your mind, clearly and precisely what to do.

So, talk to your anxiety. Acknowledge that you know it is trying to keep you safe but make it clear that it is not required right now

“Thank you, I see you, I see that you are only trying to help, however, I also know that you are not needed right now. You can go!”

Familiarize yourself with the 7 steps in this process and take the control back from those anxious feelings.

1. Anxiety lives in your mind alone, you put it there so you can change it and reframe it.
2. Anxiety is FEAR… False Evidence Appearing Real!
3. Remember that anxiety is a feeling and all feelings are temporary.
4. Write down and focus on how you expect to FEEL when you come out of anxiety.
5. Use your body to trick your mind back into a feeling of calm and peace.
6. Replace your underlying fearful assumptions with positive and confident replacements.
7. Talk to your anxiety, and tell it “you are no longer required.”

Remember always, the importance of how you use your words. Words have immense power over our lives so be constantly mindful and aware of the words you use out loud and in the quiet of your mind.

Your minds job is to keep you safe and to do exactly what you tell it to do.

Your job is to tell your mind, clearly and precisely what to do.

So, never claim your anxiety, don’t say “my anxiety is getting the better of me”

Your mind doesn’t want to lose what’s yours, so don’t claim it as yours. Acknowledge that you are feeling anxious and then go through the steps I have described to move past that feeling as quickly as possible.

The great thing about going through these steps is that practice makes perfect. The more often you do it, the more natural and easy it becomes.

Everybody gets faced with stressful situations that can make them feel anxious, but wouldn’t you love to become a person who knows how to be calm and solutions-focused even through potentially scary circumstances?

When you get practiced at reframing anxiety in this way, you naturally become quicker and better at it until you too can be that person who switches into solutions-mode seemingly immediately

Stop saying “I get anxiety…”

Anxiety is not a virus, nor a rash!

Anxiety exists in your mind alone and is created by you alone, so rather ask yourself…

“Why am I allowing this anxiety in, and how could I reframe it and move past it?”